sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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