I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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