if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
