I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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