I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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