did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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