Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize