you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
