Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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