sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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