We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
