Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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