I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I look better un-naked...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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