i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Randomize
