I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm always down for nudity.
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