if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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