I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
