She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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