question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
