you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
