brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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