Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
