I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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