She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
please come you make the beer taste better
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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