my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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