connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
