it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
