haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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