Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
