THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
