I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
