my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
