we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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