Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
