would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
