We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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