Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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