Where is the hickey?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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