I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
