he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
