he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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