Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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