dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
