I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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