I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
