the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
