There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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