I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
