? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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