guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
