went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
