I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
