I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
