from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
