Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
