I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
