We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
