i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
