I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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