This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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