you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I touched a dick in church today
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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