I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
