It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
nutella sex= disaster
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize