apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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