she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
