He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He passed out mid-signature
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
