it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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