JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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