Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
