You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
honey bunches of taint.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
