I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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