You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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