Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
