drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just want nice things and good sex
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
