I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
