he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
